A New Leaf

Autumn has always been my favorite season. The leaves turn red and yellow, the air is crisp; bye bye summer dresses, hello layers. It also has my favorite childhood festival - Mid-Autumn Festival, and the anticipation of Christmas.

For me, Autumn always feel like a time of change. It’s the last straw - signifying that summer is finally gone. 

This Autumn is a little different for me. It is the first time in 4 years that I am no longer a full-time Catholic campus missionary. I still go on campus a lot, but it is a little weird not to be a missionary or an undergrad. Instead, I am taking part-time graduate classes for my M.Ed in Clinical Counseling.

The transition was a little difficult at first. For one thing, I don’t live on campus anymore, so I have to learn to plan my day ahead and commute. I am also living by myself for the first time - the first couple days were a little tough, but I am used to it now, and I do enjoy the freedom of living alone.

The toughest thing so far is to find my new mission. When I am working as a missionary, no matter how tired I was, how frustrated the day turned out to be; I seldom felt discouraged, for my mission is clear - to bring Christ to the lonely hearts of college students. There is no question, no doubt in my mind that I was doing exactly what God is calling me to do. 

Now, it’s a little different... In the midst of moving, getting used to living alone, taking classes, and job searching, it is really hard to discern the will of God. In the mundane of day-to-day tasks, it is easy to doubt or to have second thoughts - is this really what I am supposed to do? What if I have made a mistake? Should I still be a missionary?

I feel a little lost. Yet, while I was talking to my friend and grumbled about the hassle of finding a job, he reminded me, “Don’t you worry. Remember, God already has a plan for you”, and go on to tell me how he know of many friends who all found their perfect job at the last minute when the time was right. 

It was such a great reminder for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that one should do nothing, sit at home, and wait for a job to drop from the sky. But why worry? Perhaps what God is calling me right now is not to engage in any glorious mission or big paying job, but simply be patient. 

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Looking back, almost all of the best opportunities I had in the past were providential. God has always taken care of me in the past, why couldn’t I trust that He will take care of me now?

“Each day, every day of our lives, 

God presents to us the people and opportunities upon which he expects us to act. 

He expects no more of us, but he will accept nothing less of us;

 and we fail in our promise and commitment if we do not see in the situations 

of every moment of every day his divine will.” 

-- He Leadeth Me, Fr. Walter Ciszek, S. J. p. 139

It is hard lesson to learn... the divine will of God does not lie in the future, but today. There is not need to worry about the future because God is not asking us what we could do for him tomorrow, but what we can do today.